


A Measure of Life Denied

by ajremix



Series: Like the Sun in My Mouth [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajremix/pseuds/ajremix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fatherhood from end to beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Measure of Life Denied

The tent flap lifted, letting the fading light spill over the back of Stahl's legs as he said, "Chrom, Jesslyn- I was told you needed to see me urgently?" The seriousness evaporated from his face when he continued, "Also Vaike asked if I've been busy and when I told him no more than usual he said I'd better get on it and walked away cackling. Did I miss something today?"

Jesslyn hooked her hands over the edge of his gorget and pulled him down for a quick kiss. She gave him a mild look and a soft smile, "Hello, dear."

"Hello," he said with a smile in kind, "welcome back." But there was tension pulling lines at the corner of her eyes and making her lips thin and he tightened his hands against her hips. "Did something happen? Did you not find Naga's Tear?"

"We found it. We also found something else- or someone, rather." She stepped aside to reveal a young man- practically still a boy -perched on a table by Chrom's elbow with a bean roll lifted halfway to his mouth. "Stahl, this is our son, Morgan."

Morgan stared at him blankly before lifting an uncertain hand and slowly waggling his fingers in a sort of cautious wave, "Hello, Father?"

Stahl looked back at him, equally blank. "Oh."

~*~*~*~

"That's hardly the look of a happy father."

Stahl craned his head around to find Sully approaching him, flipping aside the whittled down core of an apple she'd been chewing with one hand and tossing a whole one at him with the other. He caught with a grateful smile before turning back toward the horses with a sigh. "It's rather sudden to take in."

"I definitely know how that is," she butted shoulders with Stahl as she leaned up against that gnarled tree with him. "Surprised you're being squirrelly about though."

"Apparently Morgan doesn't remember me. Or... anything that isn't Jesslyn."

"Ah. That must make things difficult."

The fact that Stahl had barely even looked at the apple he was now waving around was testament to how affected he was by the whole thing. "I don't blame him for it- time travel is fantastic enough, some memory loss is probably mild compared to other things that could've happened, but it leaves so many questions that can't be answered. I mean- how do I even know he's _my_ son?"

Stahl suddenly found himself wrapped tight under Sully's arm, her iron fist pressing just shy of painfully against his throat. "If you're implying..." she growled out lowly.

"No!" Stahl wheezed. "Gods, no- I wouldn't have married her if I thought- I meant what if I'd already died before he was born? And Jesslyn married another? I love her with all my heart, but I'd never want her to go through her life alone out of obligation of my memory!"

Sully's arm loosened but she still kept Stahl's head pinned to her side. "Does it really matter if you're not Morgan's real father?"

"Well, no. He's a kid with no family or memory- of course I'd do anything for him. Even without that, just the fact that he's Jesslyn's is enough for me."

"Good," she reached over to ruffle his hair with her free hand- not that it made any difference. "I was afraid I'd have to kick your arse for suddenly becoming a dastard of a father. If it makes you feel any better though, he's definitely your kid." 

"I'll admit his hair color is a lot closer to mine than Jesslyn's," that remarkably odd color that no one was quite sure what to call it but at least he didn't inherit the gene that made it stick up everywhere.

"I'm not talking about that. His ability to take anything in stride may come from Jesslyn, but the way he's a bit of a klutz but so damn earnest? That's all you."

Stahl had to crane his neck awkwardly in order to give Sully a not-yet-entirely-convinced look.

"Also the first thing he said when we got to camp was ask when dinner was."

He nearly knocked Sully over from laughing so hard.

~*~*~*~

Weapons inspection was an involved and time consuming process, possibly even more so when those weapons were simply for training purposes. The weight and balance had to mimic battle-ready ones, handles needed to be properly wrapped and edges kept blunt. As with actual weapons there could be no damages or cracks that might result in breakage and, considering how many equated 'practice weapons' with 'not needing proper care', such things were unfortunately not uncommon.

Stahl was debating if the flaw in a sword blade had yet reached unacceptable levels when he felt someone standing near him. He turned and was momentarily thrown by an unfamiliar face before his mind supplied the name 'Morgan' followed by 'future son'.

"Hello," Stahl said neutrally. After witnessing the tangle that was Cordelia and Severa's relationship, he figured it prudent to wait until Morgan made it clear how fatherly he wanted Stahl to be. "Is there something you needed?"

"I was just wondering what you were up to."

"Just checking the equipment before I began training." He paused for a moment, "Would you like to help?"

Morgan raised a hand to rub at the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "I, uh, I wouldn't actually know what to look for." Whether that meant he'd never known or just couldn't remember was up in the air.

"Would you like me to teach you?"

His face lit up. "Sure!" And how absolutely like Jesslyn being excited to learn something new, no matter how menial. Explaining what to look for didn't take long and Morgan took to the task with gusto, occasionally bringing a weapon to Stahl for a second opinion. It wasn't such a bad way to spend time with his son, Stahl thought as they made small talk, plus it made the chore go by much faster.

"So," Morgan said as he replaced the wrap on an axe handle, "which weapons do you normally train with?"

"Well... all of them, I guess."

Morgan paused to give his father an incredulous look. " _All_?"

"Just the physical ones. Tomes and anything magic related- I'm pretty hopeless with those."

"But still! How do you train in _every_ weapon?"

Stahl ran a hand through his hair, not entirely certain how to react to Morgan's shock. "A willingness to learn helps. Also having access to willing teachers. Cherche and Vaike are always happy to teach people how to wield an axe and Virion likes to show off a lot, but you can pick up a lot about archery from him. Fredrick always emphasized versatility, especially in weapons so I guess I got kind of good at being a quick study?" He laughed, "But then when you train with Sully you either learn to get good fast or you get left behind."

Morgan looked thoughtful. Then, as he gazed at the axe in his hand, looked put out. "I only remember how to use swords and tomes. I wonder if I ever used anything else."

"Even if you didn't, doesn't mean you can't learn, right? So c'mon," he gave Morgan a little shove to the shoulder, "which weapon are you thinking of learning?"

"Um... maybe the lance?"

"Lance, huh?" Stahl chewed idly on his lower lip. "Cordelia's good with a lance, though I don't know how comfortable she is with teaching. Fredrick taught me, but his training is... very intensive. Sully's better with a lance than I am but she can be just as bad as Fredrick-"

"I was," Morgan cut in looking almost bashful, "kinda thinking maybe you could...?"

His eyes went wide. " _Oh_!" A sudden burst of pride and happiness bloomed in Stahl's chest and he couldn't keep the eager, overjoyed smile off his face even if he tried. "It'd be my pleasure!"

~*~*~*~

Over the years Stahl had compiled a mental checklist of things to do every morning and evening when the Shepherds were on the march. Granted that list required tailoring for specific people, requirements and locations, but all in all he'd crafted one that was as time and effort efficient as possible and didn't need much adjusting: see if the healing tent needed any potions or ingredients, give some tips to any soldier on the training field, offer up an ear to those needing offload their worries, see if the launderers or dish washers were in need of an extra body, exchange words with Kellam, answer any of Donnel's questions, make sure Olivia was comfortable, that Panne had eaten, see if Sully or Vaike needed to let off some aggression- it was a long list that grew with each addition to the army, but it made Stahl feel better to know everyone was taken care of.

That evening the list went by surprisingly quick. No one seemed in need or particularly fussy and it left Stahl with far more time on his hands than he knew what to do with. He decided, having gone through the checklist thrice to ensure he hadn't forgotten anything, to grab an apple from the mess tent to share with his faithful- if not somewhat resigned -steed, Caramel. It'd been a while since they'd spent time together outside of riding, he realized. He pocketed a couple of sugarcubes in case he had to bribe some affection from his normally indifferent horse.

The pens took up almost as much space as the rest of the camp did, needing enough room to house not only all the battle mounts but those that drew the heavy supply carts as well as those that produced milk. The heavy shouldered bulls and milking goats were kept to one side, the few griffons they had to another and between were the warhorses and pegasi. The only ones that didn't get penned were the two wyverns who preferred to keep close to their respective riders.

A couple of the mounts nickered at Stahl's approach, Sumia's pegasus reaching out to nip at his hair as it always did, but he wove aside with an indulgent chuckle. Then wove aside again as Cynthia's mount- Sumia's from the future -tried to do the same. He rocked to a halt outside the pen- then stepped back when the two pegasi made their second attempt at his hair -when he realized Caramel wasn't with the others. He'd seen Sumia and Sully in camp and Jesslyn was still in war council, making Caramel's usual non-rider caretakers accounted for. Another scan around the area revealed Caramel's blanket slung over a fence next to the grooming equipment and there, under the shade of a tree, was Morgan running a brush over Caramel's flank until his coat gleamed in the lowering light.

No matter what the two of them had tried, neither had been able to get any other memory out of Morgan since that first glimmer. It had obviously frustrated the boy but he'd given all the signs of wanting some space to perhaps think of another way. It only occurred to Stahl at that moment that he may have given Morgan _too_ much space, almost on the verge of indifference.

No, he decided. He was not going to be the kind of father that neglected his child even if his intentions were out of kindness. He stepped up and cleared his throat, causing Morgan to nearly jump out of his coat. "I see you had the same idea I did," Stahl smiled brightly. "Must be that bond-link at work again."

"Oh," Morgan smiled back, somewhat less genuinely, "hello, Father."

"I'm sorry, I've been neglecting you, haven't I?" Stahl was already recompiling his mental checklist, shoving aside a great chunk of time to spend with Morgan each evening.

"No, it's fine. I understand you have duties to do." Morgan bit at his lip, tilting his head in the same way Jesslyn did when she was about to admit something she felt guilty about. "I... also might have been avoiding you."

"Oh?" He certainly hadn't been expecting that. "Whatever for?"

"I don't mind not having my memories. It's actually kind of fun in a way- I get to try anything I want just to see if it was something I was good at. But," his hands pressed into Caramel's side like Morgan wanted to turn them into fists. The horse took the boy's tension with the same indifferent dignity it took everything else. "I know you said you don't mind, but I hate that I can't remember _you_. I know you had to have been a good father- you've been looking out for me, making sure I always have what I need and I can see how much mother loves you, so not being able to remember... I feel like I've failed as your child."

His heart broke for the boy. How could Morgan blame himself for something he had no control over? More importantly- how could Stahl have been so busy he hadn't noticed this was still bothering him?

Caramel twisted his head back, nosing at Morgan's shoulder in a quiet demand to continue brushing. Morgan laughed reflexively, rubbing at the horse's head with an apologetic, "Okay, okay."

"Have you been taking care of the horses?"

"Yeah. I asked Sully if I could. I like being around them, they calm me down."

A kernel of opportunity sprouted. "Jesslyn used to do that for me before we married," Stahl said lightly, pulling out a sugarcube that Caramel lipped at greedily. "She was determined to make sure someone looked after me the way I tried to look after everyone else so she took care of him so I wouldn't worry about him being neglected." He shook his head with a chuckle before adding, "You're a very good rider."

"Thanks. I've been riding before I remember. Which isn't really all that impressive considering."

"Well, you definitely got that from me. You're mother likes horses well enough, but she isn't exactly good at riding them." Which wasn't entirely true. At least when it came to using them for travel Jesslyn rode horses as well as she did most anything. However, she wasn't at all above lying about it as an excuse to ride tandem with Stahl- a trick she apparently picked up from Lissa. And since no one else seemed incline to call her out on it, Stahl certainly wasn't going to complain.

Morgan looked up at him, eyes wide with wonder. "...Really?"

"You might not consciously remember me, but I think you've got a lot of me in you. We have a lot in common- traits, habits... so I think you and my future self had a good relationship."

The boy's face begin to crumble, "But..."

A hand cupped at Morgan's face, nudging him up until they were looking each other in the eyes. "Hey. It's okay that you don't remember me. I don't remember you, either."

That got him a rueful look, "That's because I haven't been born yet."

"True, but it means we're in the same boat, right? Since neither of us remember each other," Stahl gave his biggest, brightest smile, "we'll just get to know each other all over again!"

Morgan visibly mulled over the words, face transforming from guilt to unerringly hopeful to that willingly optimistic grin he'd always give the other children at their most dour, the expression that made the older Shepherds laugh at Stahl and say 'that is definitely your child'. "You're right! Thanks, Father. I... I'm really glad I got to meet you again."

Stahl just pulled his son into a hug- this Morgan or the one that had yet to be born, he knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for him. "So am I."

~*~*~*~

It was difficult to feed an entire army, so many mouths to fill and different dietary needs to meet even without having to worry about those with voracious appetites- whose numbers doubled with the arrival of Morgan. So the next time they came upon a village, Stahl pulled his son aside and asked, "Do you want to grab something to eat in town?"

"Absolutely!" The boy enthused.

By the third time Stahl asked in as many villages, Morgan had a question of his own, "Why do you always go into towns for food? There's plenty in camp and we don't have to pay for it."

Stahl chuckled, "No one is aware of how much I eat more than me, and I know you put away just as much. We never really know when we'll get to the next settlement, or if they can supply all the food we need for everyone and there's limited money in the army's funding so," he shrugged as their horses clopped along the cobbled main street. "I try to ease that burden when I can. Besides, it puts a little extra money in the economy and with the state of things recently, it could use all the help it can get."

Morgan mulled over that, letting the logic of it sink in. They could smell the market before they reached the first house, the scent of sweet breads and cooked meats wafting over them. Morgan licked his lips as he inhaled reverently. "I suppose I can't really complain- it gives me a chance to try all sorts of new foods, after all."

"That might also be a reason why I do this."

He laughed, loud and bright. "You probably know all the best places to eat in Ylisse, don't you?"

"Heh- probably. And a couple other countries besides."

"You'll have to take me to all your favorite places then, Father."

That put a soft warmth glowing in Stahl's chest, always so happy and proud to spend time with his son. "Of course I will."

A friendly villager directed the two to where to tether their horses so they could wander through the market, sampling wares and stuffing the various saddlebags both carried. Stahl did what he did best- engage people in conversation, having them warm up to him, happy to tell him their joys and sorrows -and Morgan did what he did best- ask people questions, showing such interest in what they did that they were more than willing to show and explain each process. It never took either of them long for others to treat them as friends and the villagers were just as eager to point them to the tastiest foods as the two were to try them.

They were munching contently on a soft roll slathered in a honey cinnamon butter when Stahl suggested, "Next time we should try to get Jesslyn to come out with us."

Morgan's eyes lit up like the world couldn't get anymore amazing. "Yeah! It'll be like a family outing!"

And what a wonderful picture that put in Stahl's mind: the three of them together, no armor, no weapons, no worries about war and the fate of the world and time itself. Just them enjoying simply being together as a normal family. Jesslyn was generally too busy planning to come out on these excursions but Stahl was determined to get her out with them at least once.

Morgan chuckled suddenly, "Mother probably wouldn't be able to keep up with us- at least food-wise. I remember she sometimes used to say I ate so much as a baby she was shocked that her body survived."

What remained of Stahl's roll was inhaled down his throat, leaving him doubled over and wheezing. At his elbow Morgan had turned dark red, expression stretching out in extreme regret. "You know, I never actually understood what exactly she meant by that until just this moment."

The sound Stahl made was something between painful laughter and hysterical choking. "You probably shouldn't mention that to her."

"Believe me, this is one memory I wish I didn't have."

~*~*~*~

It happened so fast. Even in the heat of battle it happened so fast that all Morgan remembered was the spark of steel and " _Father_!" being ripped from his throat. And then blood. The suddenness of the assassin's appearance before his face startled Caramel into lashing out with a scream, stomping the man's ribs into the ground where Morgan jammed a lance into him. He was dead before Stahl hit the ground.

"Father! _Father_!" Stahl groaned, fumbling weakly at the ruins of his chestplate, the gash jagged, edges blackened and still sparking faintly- a strike from a Levine Sword. Morgan knelt close, smelling burnt cloth and flesh and when Stahl cursed and coughed, Morgan heard something like air being sucked through a straw.

Panic whited out everything in his head- sucking chest wound meant pierced chest cavity, that meant it was too mortal a wound for any tonic to handle. He raised his head and screamed as loud as he could, " _Auntie Lissa_!" Where was she? Would she be in time? His father was dying in front of him and there was nothing he could do! Where was Auntie Lissa? Or any other healers- who were the other healers? Morgan couldn't remember. Where was Mother? She'd know what to do. Mother would know-

A hand waved by his face, clumsily brushing knuckles to his cheek, "Morgan..."

"Father," he wrapped his hands tight around Stahl's, tears slipping down his cheeks. "Please don't go. We need you, you can't leave us again. Please don't die, Father."

"Morgan... think. Wha... What did your mother teach you...?"

Morgan bit at his lip so hard blood was welling between his teeth, trying to dash the fear and panic from his mind. "Unbuckle the armor and put pressure on the wound." He reached for the closest latch only to snatch his hand back from the heat of it. His mind flashed back to his mother's words: "Magic is especially dangerous for armored units- wind can cause massive internal injuries, lightning and fire can cook someone alive in their armor." He gritted his teeth and tore at the binds, the heat intense even through his gloves. He pried the chestplate off carefully before flinging it away and Stahl's gasp of relief was distorted as blood bubbled out of his chest.

Stahl's shirt was slashed enough to give Morgan full view of the wound which was wide and angry red around the edges, blood frothing along the left side. Morgan closed his eyes and willed himself to think. He needed to seal the wound to keep the lungs from collapsing but he didn't have any air tight material in his saddlebag. He'd just have to make due with what he had- he pulled out bandages from his medical kit and laid them, layer upon layer, over Stahl's chest. It wouldn't keep all the air out, but it would buy his father precious moments more. Hopefully enough for someone to come. He pressed the bandages down at the end of Stahl's exhale, trying to form a seal as best he could with his hands alone. Stahl made a soft, pained sound and Morgan bit his lip again. "I'm sorry, Father."

"Sorry... should be watching... out... for you..."

"Just live. That's all I want you to do."

Suddenly there was a flurry of ripped, soiled skirts and a deceptively unassuming axe as Lissa all but crashed down next to Morgan. "I'm here!" She panted, face red from exertion. When she processed the mess before her, Lissa's face grew tight behind an attempted chiding expression. "Oh Stahl, you always manage to get into the silliest possible trouble."

Stahl tried to grin but anything he attempted to say came out as a cough.

Lissa held her staff over him, jewel glowing softly. With her free hand she shoved at Morgan's shoulder, "Make sure no one followed after me."

"I'm not leaving Father!"

"I can't help him if I have to dodge an attack. If you want your father to survive, then get up and protect him!"

Morgan wanted to argue. Wanted to stay where he could watch over Stahl, to make sure he lived but he couldn't deny Lissa was right. Even if the heaviest fighting seemed to be passed, there was still a battle going on and Caramel and his own mount could provide only so much warning.

A hand caught his wrist before he could pull away. "Morgan... Morgan- look at me..."

It felt like the hardest thing in the world to look back at the bloodied mess that was his father.

"Don't cry, Morgan," Stahl smiled as best he could. "How can you see what needs to be done... if tears are blurring... your vision?"

He drew in a sharp breath and dashed his sleeve across his eyes. With his vision clear, he threw himself astride his horse and spurred her on. If he caught anyone daring to even look at his father, Morgan swore it would be the last thing they ever saw.

~*~*~*~

By battle's end Morgan had already been sent to retrieve Maribelle. The worst of it was taken care of, he was told, Maribelle just needed to finish mending the wound and any others Stahl had sustained and ensure all things internal were working as they should. "It's like putting toppings on a cake, dear." Maribelle said as Lissa rocked back on her heels to rest. "It's not necessary but it makes things better in the end."

"Cake sounds really good right now," Stahl mulled aloud.

"You," she said with a pointed look, "can stay quiet. Straining my poor darling Lissa like that. That was very inconsiderate of you and there will be words when you are capable of paying proper attention."

"Yes, milady."

The 'topping off', as Morgan began to consider it, didn't take long and within minutes Maribelle helped pull Stahl to his feet. "There, that will be sufficient. You will come to the healer's tent tomorrow for a check up or if you feel any pain or nausea. You will be dizzy but that's from blood loss so you'll need to rest as much as possible." When she turned to Morgan the stern commanding from her face gentled into something almost like pride. "You did very well rendering first aid to your father. Come by the healer's tent and we'll refill your kit."

"Yes, ma'am," the boy replied and Maribelle went off in a swirl of ringlets, joining Lissa to see to the next patient.

For a moment there was nothing but silence between the two and just as Stahl opened his mouth to say something, someone was shouting out his name and he turned just in time to have an armful of his wife. "I saw you go down but I couldn't... are you alright?"

"I'm okay. Lissa and Maribelle patched me up so I'll be fine. Can't say the same for my shirt though. Or armor." He winced at the thought. "That's going to be expensive to replace." Even among the other expensive things that needed replacing after battle these days.

"What about you, Morgan?" Jesslyn asked suddenly. "Are you okay?"

He jolted at the unexpected question, mouth opening automatically to say he wasn't the one who got hurt. Then he looked at his father, at the bloodied remains of his shirt and the angry, tender seam that was the makings of a new scar and said simply, "Shaken up."

She drew Morgan to her even as she leaned her head against Stahl's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I wanted to be here but-"

"You were where you needed to be," Stahl interrupted firmly. "We know in terms of this war I'm far from an important part of it."

Jesslyn's eyes flashed, "There is _nothing_ more important than you."

"The countless other lives that would be endangered if you weren't with Chrom are."

"Do you think I could actually make a sound strategy while grieving-"

"Enough!"

Their words collided to a halt, turning to their son who returned their shocked stares with a glare. "Do we have to discuss this now? When we almost lost you?"

They bent their heads shamefaced. "You're right," Stahl said, "I'm sorry. It's cruel of me to speak of hypothetical deaths just after something like this."

"I apologize as well. Your concerns are reasonable, I'm just too shaken to want to discuss it." She held Stahl tight, trembling fists buried in the back of his shirt. "I love you too much to ever imagine you gone from my life."

"Jesslyn." Gentle hands tipped her head back so Stahl could kiss away the tears gathered on her lashes. "Don't cry. How can you see what needs to be done-"

"-when tears are blurring my vision," she finished with a small, sad smile. "I know."

They held each other, seeming rather content to do so until the stars fell to the ground, but Morgan saw the way his father's face was still pale and how the backs of his legs trembled. "Will you be able to ride back to camp?" He asked, "Or will you be in the healer's cart?"

"Ah, with how intently Maribelle seems to be staring at me, I believe I'm to be riding in the cart today."

Jesslyn pulled away with a soft chuckle. "We shouldn't keep her waiting. I'll take care of Caramel." She reached out with one hand to grip at the horse's reins, with the other she twinned her fingers with Stahl's. Morgan watched his parents head toward the cart together and was determined to ignore the traitorous thought that they'd almost lost these moments forever once again.

~*~*~*~

The next day Stahl was restricted- by order of Chrom himself, recommended by a very determined Lissa and, Stahl suspected, Jesslyn -from his duties which left him rather bored. The order had apparently been spread around the entire camp as Sumia shooed him away from the horses, Cherche pointedly smiled until he left the laundry and Vaike yelled at him if he got near the armory. Even Sully swore once he got better he'd spend an hour sparring with her every time she caught him near the mess tent outside of his normal sneak-a-snack hours. The only thing he could do without any harassment was help make tonics in the healer's tent and even then he wasn't allowed to get any ingredients himself. Donnel was sent out instead and the boy apparently ran around to get everything like he had a world to save, meaning Stahl finished replenishing stock in fairly short order.

With everyone else busy with their tasks- and making sure he did nothing more than meander about in a leisurely pace -Stahl felt about ready to go out of his mind.

He wandered toward where the children preferred to train somewhat apart from the rest of the camp, Lucina meeting him before he could draw too close. For all their socializing with the adults, when it came to training they seemed to prefer keeping amongst themselves for reasons none of them felt compelled to explain, nor their parents to demand one.

She greeted him warmly enough though the worry that was constantly pooled in her eyes were focused on him. "I heard of your wound, are you well?"

"Not yet fit for chores, I'm afraid," Stahl said with a depreciating laugh, "but enough to be restless about it."

"Might I suggest finding Morgan, then? Ever since yesterday he has been..." various words flashed behind her eyes before she settled on, "quiet."

"Oh." That was not a comforting description. "Do you know where he went?"

"Yarne said he was down by the stream, staring at nothing." Lucina pressed her lips together, looking like she wanted to say something but not quite sure what exactly she wanted to say. She settled on, "I am glad you're still with us."

He thanked her and went on his way, pretending not to notice the way the other children stared after him as if afraid he'd suddenly collapse. Stahl made a mental note to be more aware during battle if not just to keep the children from believing the fate they'd been trying so hard to prevent was inevitable.

Morgan, true to Yarne's word, was by the stream not far from where the camp had taken to drawing water. Every now and again the boy's thumb flicked out, sending a pebble sailing into the water. Stahl let his boots crunch audibly on the coarse silt by the river but Morgan didn't lift his head. He looked miserable. Small. Like he'd crawled into some despondent corner of his mind and couldn't find his way out. "Hey, Morgan." Stahl called out gently only to get no response. "Do you mind if I join you?" That time all he got was a shrug that was just him going through the motions.

So he sat by Morgan's elbow, concern growing by the second as he studied his son out of the corner of his eye, preparing and discarding dozens of possible conversation starters, scrutinizing each one to see which would have the best chance of getting him to engage in the conversation. Stahl took in a deep breath and then said neutrally, "You call her Auntie Lissa?"

Morgan gave another listless shrug. "She told all of us to call her that. Said the Shepherds are her family, so..."

"That's just how she is," Stahl agreed.

The silence that stretched between them was long and brittle. Unable to think of another way to broach it Stahl just tackled the subject head-on. "You said not to leave you again."

Morgan winced. "You heard that, huh?"

"Did you remember something?"

"Not... really?" He rubbed at the back of his neck, distress pulling his expression tight. "I don't remember why or when or how, I just remember that suddenly you weren't there anymore. And that you'd never come back. And I remember how much it hurt Mother and me." Stahl pulled his son to him in a hug and Morgan just let his head lull against Stahl's collarbone before saying, "I talked to Lucina about it and she said everyone that went with Chrom never returned. And since she said you were one of his highest ranking knights..."

"I suppose it's the only way it could be," Stahl said with resignation. "I can't think of any other possible reason I'd never come back to you two."

"That doesn't make me feel better about it."

"I know. And I can't apologize enough for it. I wish I had the memories my future self had- cradling you in my arms, watching you take your first steps, teaching you how to ride. I wish I had them so badly, just like I know my future self wished he could've been there to see what an amazing young man you've become." He pressed a kiss against Morgan's hair, trying not to let emotions make his voice waiver. "I am so proud of you and I love you more than I can possibly say. I will be there for you every possible moment I can be and I will treasure every single minute. I swear this to you."

Morgan's hand fisted against Stahl's shirt. "I missed you," he sobbed into his father's chest. "I missed you so, so much."

Stahl just held him tight. "I'm here for you now. For as long as I can."

~*~*~*~

"Are you sure you're up for this?" There was a trace of worry in Morgan's eyes, but it was mostly drowned out with fond teasing.

Stahl laughed, enjoying how the mid-morning breeze chilled the shell of his armor. "It's been over a week, you know. If I can survive a full day sparing with Sully, I'm pretty sure I can handle a little ride."

"You could probably handle most anything. Especially with how she was yesterday- she was mowing down everyone!" Not even Chrom had been exempt on the training field- Fredrick was the only one capable of ending Sully's winning streak when she was having a good day.

"Believe me, I know. My bruises have bruises."

"Oh, good! That means I'll finally be able to beat you in a race!"

Stahl's grin wobbled. "We're... racing?"

"Absolutely! Caramel hasn't had a chance to stretch his legs in some time, I'm sure he'd love to run, wouldn't you boy?" The horse's ears flickered and he snorted but did little else. "See? Rarin' to go!"

Stahl could already feel his body aching at the thought. "You're cruel."

"I'm a tactician- I will take any advantage I can." Morgan smiled bright and sharp. "Ready?"

"Well... I suppose if you really- let's go Caramel!" He spurred his horse onward, earth churning under his hooves and Morgan squawked, his father was already lengths ahead before he set his own mount to gallop.

"That's not fair!"

"Any advantage, Morgan!"

They chased each other over the fields of long grass and dirt packed roads, laughing and goading each other all the while. Even without the war they didn't know how long this would last, what would happen to the children after Grima was defeated, if they would stay or if they'd go back to their own time. All they could do was treasure these moments while they could.

~*~*~*~

"Ugh, _finally_."

Stahl's chuckle was lost under the clinking of his armor as he hurried down the corridor. "That's not a very princess-like greeting."

Lucina rolled her eyes as she pushed herself to her feet. "He made Yarne and Brady cry. _Again_."

He sighed, seeing more apologies to irritated mothers in his near future. "Sorry. Thought he was finally okay with me being gone for the day."

"Hope he will soon," Lucina mumbled, her little arms wrapped around the gauntlets Stahl passed her. As annoyed as she acted by having her lessons interrupted, her eyes lit up whenever Stahl let her snag a piece of his armor to show off to Gerome and Kjelle.

His helmet plopped on her head, nearly toppling the little princess sideways. Stahl knelt down to lift up the visor, "Just bring them back when you're done."

Lucina beamed up at him before tottering away as fast as the heavy equipment would allow.

Stahl took a deep breath and pushed open the door, the muffled sound of screaming growing ten fold as he did. The nursemaid was already waiting on the other side, looking haggard. Again. He flashed her an apologetic smile. Again. With practiced hands she helped him strip out of his armor in minutes, just in time for Jesslyn to stagger through the parlor door carrying a bundle of very vocal discontent. "We need to find a solution for this," she had to half yell, looking on the verge of crying herself.

"I know, but nothing anyone's suggested has worked." The sound of Stahl's voice caused Morgan to stop screaming, hiccup and look around. When the baby spotted his father he reached out, flexing his pudgy little hands, getting ready to start another fuss and forcing Stahl to forgo removing his heavy boots. "Alright, alright," Stahl reached out to pluck Morgan from Jesslyn's arms. "Daddy does have to work some time, you know. Auntie Sully can't keep training my recruits on top of her own."

Morgan just made a possessive noise and buried his tiny face against Stahl's neck. He whimpered then relaxed and Stahl just resigned himself to spending another day with his son attached to his chest. Jesslyn let the nursemaid out and then turned to him with a look somewhere between relief and jealousy. "I don't know why he's only happy when you're around. I'm the one that birthed him and feeds him." She couldn't help but smile, brushing a soft tuft of Morgan's hair from his face, helplessly in love with both her boys. "I wonder if he was like this before."

Stahl smiled, leaning over to give Jesslyn a kiss that she returned with perpetual fondness. "Don't worry. One day he's going to decide he wants to be exactly like you and then you'll be the one he never wants to be away from."

"At least by then I won't have to change his diaper." She kissed him again, giving him a nudge toward the chair by the large window letting in the warm afternoon light. "Sit. I'll get you something to eat."

As he sat, Morgan snuffled, almost drifting off to sleep already. "It's alright," he rumbled, more for Morgan to feel under his cheek than to hear, "Daddy's here. And I'll swear it as many times as I have to: I will always be here for you for as long as I can be."


End file.
